Choosing My Words, Perfecting My Theme, Releasing my 2014, + Retiring From Stratejoy

Happy 2015, Internet.

I spent the last few weeks of the year spending much needed time with my family and closest friends.

But of course I make time for my newfound YouTube obsession, and my older-than-time obsession with all of you.

I have been binge reading all of your new 2015 posts where you announce what your themes for 2015 are going to be. I’m loving all of your brilliance and dedication. It gives me all those damn feels.

I got turned onto creating a theme for your year rather than resolutions via Molly Mahar and her Holiday Council. Many other people take this approach too. The basic idea is instead of creating specific goals, like “Lose weight” you choose a word that resonates with you… like… “Clean”. And that could go from clean eating to thinking with less clutter to even being physically with less clutter. You make the rules, cowboy.

One of my favorite local bloggers, Jessica Lawlor has chosen her three words for 2015. (Read more about ’em here)

The very well know Chris Brogan has been choosing his three words for many years now, and this year is no different. (Read Chris’ rockstar words here).

What About Me?

I’m currently sitting on my couch, drinking my favorite coffee and coloring – my new favorite way of de-stressing and brainstorming.

My goal of the day is to choose my three words as well as doing my yearly releasing ceremony, which in itself causes me a lot of anxiety each year. Because I take the releasing ceremony so seriously, I sometimes have a difficult time admitting that I need to make a break away from a habit / relationship, and then making that promise to myself to actually do it. I’m a girl of excuses of why I don’t need to stop something, or how it could be healthy.

It was much easier to do this year since I realized my own trend of being a relationship hoarder. I tend to hold onto people and relationships until the very last minute just in case they can teach me something else need me. I’m an ISFJ, after all. The queen of being needed.

But with a lot of soul searching I was able to get super clear on what I wanted out of relationships and if I wasn’t getting what I wanted, I’d ask for it And if I still didn’t get it, then I chose to redirect the energy of wondering WHY I wasn’t getting what I wanted, to finding new relationships or strengthening old ones.

One big change I did already make this year was retiring from my 5 year Community Management role with Stratejoy. You can read about my decision to do that that right here.

For once in my life, the people who are in my daily orbit are the people I want there. They remind me that I’m of value, and they continue to help me show my best side. They accept me for who I am, and continue to help me grow in my best possible light. And the support is incredible.

I’ve lost a few people this year, both in death as well as realizing they’re just not on the same page as I am. It’s a tragic loss that makes me sad, but at the same time, and in each case, there was someone new there (an old friend, a new friend) to remind me that people change, and life does go on.

So. Keep those posts coming, guys. I’m digging the inspiration. I’ll be over here prepping for me releasing ceremony, narrowing down my three words, and creating my vision board, which is always one of my favorite parts of the new year.

Let’s kick ass, 2015.

 

 

 

What I Mean When I Say I Love You

 

Whenever I log into Facebook, it’s typically a crap shoot of whether I’ll see 20 consecutive selfies, a client embarrassingly ‘liking’ see through yoga pants, or a racially driven political rant. But today I logged in and hit the jackpot.

One of my dear friends shared this article, “Love Is Not Enough“. I recommend you go right now, ditch this blog post and make that one your read of the day.

But if you must stay, let me tell you that this article was probably one of the best things I’ve read this year. It got me to thinking about that little word LOVE, how much it means, and how much I use it.

If we’re friends, I tell you I love you. And if I haven’t recently, please know that I love you. (More on what that means soon.)

I’m a love whore. I love a lot of people. Granted, a lot of them are the wrong people that I shouldn’t love. I still love an ex boyfriend that is such a pain in my ass, but alas, I love him. But that love doesn’t rule my life, make it impossible for me to love other people, or more importantly, prohibit me from loving myself. It doesn’t take up enough space in my heart to be all consuming, but he has and always will have a little pesky place.

I feel like when we fall in love with someone, often times that relationship takes over our lives, and not always in a good way. We lose sight of the little things. Plans with your friends become fewer and farther between. You’re focused on spending every available moment with your new boo that you forget to go grocery shopping, mail out that bill, wish your friend a happy birthday. (Thank God for Facebook on that one!) We don’t realize this is even happening mostly because we’re so love drunk on the feelings of, well, love. It feels so good to be around him/her. Before you know it, when you’re not at work, you’re with them. And one day you realize you haven’t texted your BFF back in 6 weeks, all you have in your fridge is expired milk, and you’re paying some shitty interest on that credit card bill you forgot to mail out.

I don’t know about your credit card company, but they don’t buy it when I call and say “Oh, I’m just so in love, I forgot to mail it!” And my girlfriend would shit and entire brick if I said “Oh, I’ve been so in love I haven’t called you.”

I know this might make me sound like the girl who has been hurt by people who love this hard and forget their friends, but I’m honestly speaking as the person who historically loves someone else so hard and forgets to love herself first. My hair gets cut. My waxing gets done. I get a shower. But is that for ME? Or is that to ensure my dude isn’t like “Yo, you smell like a foot, and can you please move your leg hair braids? They’re in my frozen TV dinner.”

As the years have passed, I’ve become more aware of how I love, and making sure I keep myself in check, especially during that amazing obsession / honeymoon stage where everything that the other person does makes you feel like a million electric sparks are going through your body. Nothing else matters because DING DING DING, he just texted you and life is instantly better. About to get fired because of bad work performance. Who cares? Boo just sent me a selfie! Rent late? Life goes on, we’re going out for sushi tonight.

Love doesn’t solve anything. Love doesn’t fix broken lives. Attention and action  fix broken things. Some of my most healthy relationships have failed because I didn’t focus on the other part of my life – my life outside of the other person.

And that was a hard lesson for me to learn. But once I did, I realized that I truly do love the people in my life, no matter how miniscule their role is. If it wouldn’t make me look like a freak, I’d tell my barista I loved her every day.

Even if you’re not comfortable with saying “I love you”, or if you reserve the word for those really serious times, that’s okay too. I, myself am a writer and I feel like I can be more creative with “I love you” and make it more meaningful. For me, I use the term a lot. But it isn’t any less important. Nor does it mean that I want to intertwine my body with you forever and ever.

What I want you to know, internet, is that if I ever tell you I love you, here’s what I mean:

I love you. I love that I can love you and love myself at the same time and not feel guiltily pulled in either direction. Your mere existence makes my life better in either a big way, or a little way, but no matter, you’ve changed my life and are a part of my journey. I’ve learned something from you. I love you.

Even to the asshole ex that I still love, that entire statement still applies. I love that I don’t love him obsessively, nor does that love prevent me from loving myself or others. I love the lessons he taught me, and I love who I’ve become as a result of those lessons.

So, I love you and stuff. That’s all I’m trying to say.