Choosing My Words, Perfecting My Theme, Releasing my 2014, + Retiring From Stratejoy

Happy 2015, Internet.

I spent the last few weeks of the year spending much needed time with my family and closest friends.

But of course I make time for my newfound YouTube obsession, and my older-than-time obsession with all of you.

I have been binge reading all of your new 2015 posts where you announce what your themes for 2015 are going to be. I’m loving all of your brilliance and dedication. It gives me all those damn feels.

I got turned onto creating a theme for your year rather than resolutions via Molly Mahar and her Holiday Council. Many other people take this approach too. The basic idea is instead of creating specific goals, like “Lose weight” you choose a word that resonates with you… like… “Clean”. And that could go from clean eating to thinking with less clutter to even being physically with less clutter. You make the rules, cowboy.

One of my favorite local bloggers, Jessica Lawlor has chosen her three words for 2015. (Read more about ’em here)

The very well know Chris Brogan has been choosing his three words for many years now, and this year is no different. (Read Chris’ rockstar words here).

What About Me?

I’m currently sitting on my couch, drinking my favorite coffee and coloring – my new favorite way of de-stressing and brainstorming.

My goal of the day is to choose my three words as well as doing my yearly releasing ceremony, which in itself causes me a lot of anxiety each year. Because I take the releasing ceremony so seriously, I sometimes have a difficult time admitting that I need to make a break away from a habit / relationship, and then making that promise to myself to actually do it. I’m a girl of excuses of why I don’t need to stop something, or how it could be healthy.

It was much easier to do this year since I realized my own trend of being a relationship hoarder. I tend to hold onto people and relationships until the very last minute just in case they can teach me something else need me. I’m an ISFJ, after all. The queen of being needed.

But with a lot of soul searching I was able to get super clear on what I wanted out of relationships and if I wasn’t getting what I wanted, I’d ask for it And if I still didn’t get it, then I chose to redirect the energy of wondering WHY I wasn’t getting what I wanted, to finding new relationships or strengthening old ones.

One big change I did already make this year was retiring from my 5 year Community Management role with Stratejoy. You can read about my decision to do that that right here.

For once in my life, the people who are in my daily orbit are the people I want there. They remind me that I’m of value, and they continue to help me show my best side. They accept me for who I am, and continue to help me grow in my best possible light. And the support is incredible.

I’ve lost a few people this year, both in death as well as realizing they’re just not on the same page as I am. It’s a tragic loss that makes me sad, but at the same time, and in each case, there was someone new there (an old friend, a new friend) to remind me that people change, and life does go on.

So. Keep those posts coming, guys. I’m digging the inspiration. I’ll be over here prepping for me releasing ceremony, narrowing down my three words, and creating my vision board, which is always one of my favorite parts of the new year.

Let’s kick ass, 2015.

 

 

 

I’m Never Going To Be Ready

 

In the morning my alarm goes off at 6:11AM. I don’t have to be in work until around 10 or 11AM. So there are 5 hours. 5 glorious hours that many would kill for and that I could use to work, get active, make a breakfast that isn’t just a banana and 4 cups of coffee…  I could do all of these things instead of rolling over and saying “Meh, I’ll get up when I’m ready.”

Here’s something I learned and have accepted recently:

I’m never going to be ready to get up in the morning…

or to get into the shower.

or to take a jump into something unknown.

or to let go of someone or something.

or to  do my laundry.

or to  make that phone call.

or to  say what I’m feeling.

or to say no.

or to say yes.

I’m never ready for anything. Except, of course to make the excuse “I’ll do it when I’m ready.” For that, I’m always ready.

In my mind I’m always preparing for something bigger. Whether it’s putting that big idea out into the world. Or to book that plane ticket. Or to tell someone how I feel. Or to leave a client. Or to ask for more money. The desire to do big things is always cooking, but it’s never ready (or so I tell myself)  When asked, I’m always ‘working on it’. But I’ve found that I’m working toward a goal that I’m never going to get because it’s that last jump, that last action, that last corner to turn that I never take…

So, I’ve got a very hungry ‘wants-so-much-more’ soul inside of me. And if you know me, you know how hangry I get.

No wonder I’m so pissed that I feel like I’m doing all of the work, but nothing seems to be changing. I’m putting in all of the emotional preparations, taking the required steps, doing what’s needed,  but not doing any of the actual ballsy action work.

Everything is just kinda chilling on the launch pad, waiting to be ready. And of course everything I do or am working on reaches a point where all of the preparation work has been done and the next logical step is to take action… … and I stay in some kind of holding pattern.

For me, the preparation of everything is always the easy part. There’s a certain safety net in “I’m getting ready to…” or “I’m working on…” or “It’s my intent to…”  To everyone else, it sounds like I’m actively doing something, and hell, I may be. But usually in my case, I’m prolonging the hard part of whatever it is I’m working on. You know, I’m ‘waiting until I’m ready.”

BECAUSE ACTION IS SCARY, YOU GUYS.

So much can go wrong.

But I forget that so much can go right, and I’ll never know which way it’ll go until I do something.

So, self: do more stuff, okay?

I wish it were that damn easy.

How in the hell to I break this deep-set-almost 30-year old habit? I’m seriously pouting right now, because the answer is so clear, but I’m admittedly someone who really wishes shit would just happen and I didn’t have to make it happen. Like, can’t lasagna cook itself? Cant groceries buy themselves? Can’t tests grade themselves?

No?

GOD WHAT IS LIFE?

The more I think about it, the more I’ve been surrounding myself with people who don’t challenge me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m responsible for my own actions, but it’s always helpful to hang with people who inspire you and push you to the next level. Sometimes I need that accountability; someone to keep me and my goals in check. So many of my kick-ass friends are making shit happen. Why am I not doing co-working sessions with them?

I just got three emails from three different people asking me to edit their papers / articles / idea maps. So, it’s not like I don’t have places to bounce ideas off of. I’m just… waiting until I’m ready. Again.

I’m very introvert-y, and I like to talk to myself. So, I’ve found that sometimes I have to have an actual conversation between me and my inner-don’t-wanna-do-it-chick in order to get things done. It goes something like,

Katie, I know you don’t want to get up right now. Yes, you could sleep for another few hours. But you kind of need to be an adult, get up, do some housework, and take a walk. Do SOMEthing. Staying here just isn’t an option today.”

Or more simply: “Katie, you don’t have to like it, but you’re going to get up and do it.”

This shorter approach is something I use very often. Especially since if I don’t do whatever it is in the moment I’m thinking about it, there’s a good chance it will get put off until another day. (See also: until forever and never gets done) (See also: Until I’m ready.)

The truth is, if I wait until I’m ready, I’m never going to accomplish anything.

And I want to do stuff. And love people. And go places. And make money. And get out of bed at 6AM and go on a 2 mile run. I’m always going to want to sleep. Let’s be real.

So, Katie, I know you don’t like it, but stop writing this blog post now, and fold your laundry. And send that email. And make that phone call.

kbye.

Tom Cruisin’ + February Goals [Live More, Freak Out Less]

Well, goodbye January. I’d say you were great, but you kind of sucked balls. Some people might say that’s a good thing, which, I mean, I’ve heard good things. But, in my experience… okay, I can’t see this getting any better… moving forward.

January will go down as the month that I simply “Survived it”. My goal for last month was just to make it through each day.  It was hard as hell some days, but I’m here. Mission: Fucking. Accomplished. If I were near a couch right now, I’d totally pull a Tom Cruise and jump on it obnoxiously. Because, what else says “I love Katie!” like that display of ridiculousness. Although we all saw how that hot mess played out, so maybe I shouldn’t emulate Tom Cruise. I don’t know. Point of this section is: I made it through January.

Since my life is a tad bit …transitional right now, I think it would be completely okay to just have a February goal of “Survive it Again.”  Of course, that’s the steady goal throughout the year, really. But the more I think about it, I realize that I’m at a point where surviving isn’t enough for me. I’ve been gentle with myself, allowed myself to feel all the things, do all the therapy, open up to people,  and it’s been super helpful. I wouldn’t trade in one minute of the uncertainty, doubt, pain, and general “WTF” feelings this month. They were hard, but I finally feel like the most difficult times are behind me. Some days I worry that I should totally be further along. Then I get all caught up in anxiety. Basically I cause most of the unnecessary anxiety that I experience. It’s like an “A-HA Moment” and a “SHIT SHIT SHIT Moment” all tied together in a pretty little package.

But February, I want to branch out a bit more. Do some more stuff. Lock some more stuff down. You know, get back into the swing of things. January was about getting used to my new habits. Now that I have most of them under control and part of a routine, I want to challenge myself again.

So February, let’s set some goals.

Add 30-45 minutes of activity every day – I’ve seen some results of eating better and my occasional Zumba fun, but I want to amp up the activity and also do some toning.  Zumba is great, but that’s once a week. I’ll possibly look into taking the other classes I signed up for. Jillian Michaels might be what I need in the form of shredding again. Regardless of what I decide to do, I want to be sure it’s consistent and daily.

Meditate / Some other form of mind/body activity – I’m not one who is deep set in spirituality. I always thought meditation was for hemp smokers. A while back when I was having trouble sleeping, I came across a Meditation Podcast  by Jesse and Jeane Stern. I tried it once and was totally amazed that it helped me go to sleep.  There was also a guided visualization in the Joy Equation that was really beneficial to me. So apparently clearing my head is a good thing. I haven’t meditated in a while, so re-learning how to clear my mind, if even for a few moments will hopefully be another step in treating my anxiety. (PS: If you’re looking for an awesome Guided Meditation that’s not too hokey, the Meditation Podcast is fab. I recommend Episode 6-Sleep.)

Find my happy place – So broad, I know. I mentioned that there is a lot of  Good Stuff happening these days. That’s true, of course, but I’m looking for different things. Like, you know how some people say they’re happiest on their yoga mat? Or others when they’re cuddling with their significant other? Or watching their favorite movie? I just want to find my happy place. The place where when I go there, and do it, I feel at ease. I feel authentically calm, happy, focused, and free. I’ve had tastes of this feeling over the last month or so, but nothing that I can pinpoint as “HAPPY PLACE.” So I’m going to make an effort to try some new things, see how they feel, and report back, yo.

Finish the Council – For those of you who don’t know, the Holiday Council is a workshop that Molly Mahar at Stratejoy holds every year. The idea is to let go of your previous year, and get clear on what your next year will look like. HELLO, BASICALLY MY WHOLE LIFE RIGHT NOW. Since the tail end of my year was incredibly overwhelming, I wasn’t able to finish the work. Fear not. It’s never to late to jumpstart your year, and let go of mistakes past. So, I’m beginning the three weeks of course work tonight. I’m super excited about it.

Freak out less – I know I can’t really control freaking out. Emotions are a bitch. But I can keep it UNDER control. I’ve been really working on accepting the things I don’t have any control over and taking more responsibility for the things I can control. This is a work in progress, especially when something doesn’t go according to plan. I run the risk of having an all out melt down over something simple like being late for a dental appointment.

Something else that gets me all worried is when I have a bad day. I think I’m going to get stuck there forever and ever and ever. The solution to this is taking a second, breathing, and asking myself if I can do something about it. If so, DO IT. If not, I have to adopt the “It is what it is” mantra. So, yeah. Less freaking out in February, okay?

And that’ll do it. I’m not trying to take over the world. But, I am trying to get more into living than just surviving.

Do you guys have goals for this month? How about you set one with me? I’ll hold your ass accountable for it too. Yell it out below in the comments, if you wanna. Word?