Whenever my friends have a new venture, I know about it. I want to know about it. I mean, if I don’t know what my friends’ dreams are, then what kind of friendship do we have?

I’m the kind of person who asks those questions. You know the ones. The ones where you kind of have to think about it. You don’t answer right away, you twist in your chair, and you give me that look like “What the hell, Katie. WHY DO YOU ASK THESE THINGS?” And I say in a very serious tone, and probably with a full mouth of pancakes, “Because I want to know.”

And I do.

Then, if one of my friends’ dreams has to do with freelancing, writing, social media, marketing, or general advice-ery, then I’m invited to hop on board. And I always say yes. Usually. The number of biz ventures I’ve embarked on is incredible. Okay, it’s like 5, but how many people can say they helped 5 ideas be born? Unless you’re a mom or dad of 5, in which case I suppose this applies.

Anyhow.

As much as I love making other’s dreams come true, my dreams have taken a bit of a backseat. This can be partly attributed to the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with life on a professional level at this point. Do I school? Do I not school? Do I push my business further? Do I terminate it? I just don’t know. So my answer to avoiding the topic is to helping eveyone else with their dreams.

So far, I haven’t been major-enough of a role in their dream to be necessary. I don’t mean that as a negative thing- I just mean that getting involved with their biz plan hasn’t rendered me unable to work elsewhere. It doesn’t take up all of my time, I’m not a permanent fixture in their business. I’m free to explore my passions. I just haven’t been.

I know the steps I need to take in order to figure out what I want to do. I have to figure out what I’m passionate about, what I love to do, what I “waste” time on. I’m afraid of committing to anything like that. I did it with freelancing, and then the desire faded. I did it with writing, and the desire is fading. I’m still passionate about psychology, but I’m afraid if I commit to it, I’ll start to get tired of it and hate it. Or, maybe it IS my true calling and I won’t get tired of it.

Do I want to take the risk? Study the subject and then hate it? Or do I keep on taking Free Yale Online Psychology courses that amount to nothing, but give me tons of pleasure? And if I do end up hating the thing I’ve always loved, where the heck do I go from there?

So, right now, I know what I’m passionate about, but I don’t know if losing the passion is something I want to risk.

Clearly commitment issues should be brought up in my next therapy session.

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