Naked. Alone. Happy. + A Christmas Thing That Made Me Cry.

I woke up this morning alone, happy, and naked in my own bed.  The sun was shining through my window and I didn’t hide under the blanket trying to will it back behind a cloud.  I huge stretched, squinted my face, scratched my head, and sat right up.  “Time for work”, I said out loud.

As I walked the 6 paces from my queen sized pillow top to my door, I passed by my mirror. I gazed over and saw myself in all of my glory. I chuckled, smiled, and proceeded to put on a robe to begin my commute from my room to my (shared) bathroom.

Maybe this morning seems like your every morning. It’s definitely not mine. Just the fact that I woke up alone + happy is enough to make me take a second look.

Did I have a late night caller who brought me to this morning of extreme bliss?

Did I drink an abundant amount of alcohol last night and wake up dodging a hang over?

Did I grow a 6 pack of rock hard abs and a body made for magazine covers overnight?

Nope. Nope. Hell Nope.

I woke up today feeling happy to be Katie Colihan. Happy to have the home that I do, the friends that I do,  the family that I do.

Things have been extremely complicated recently. That partly explains why I’ve been so absent. I’ve mentioned before that my life has taken an interesting turn, and I’m learning how to navigate a relationship   that is unlike any other I’ve ever had. My grandmother is now on morphine, completely immobile, and we’re not sure if it’s her last Christmas. I’m spending the first Christmas ever without my father, and my cousin. My emotions have been all over, but I’m learning how to rope them in, process them, and more importantly feel them.  Then, once they’ve been felt, letting them go if they serve me no purpose. Who needs to hold onto the remnants of yucky feelings?

I’ve been up and down on the scale – eating really well for a week, and then falling off the wagon and downing a cheesesteak. (I live in Philadelphia, COME ON!) I run for 3 days, and then I stop for 10. I have a love-hate relationship with my body and have for years.  I appreciate what I do have, but I’d sure like that 6 pack I’ mentioned.

With all of these confusing feelings, it was amazing to wake up feeling happy today. Nothing spectacular happened to trigger it.  No one said anything to me to make me feel this way. No heart-to-hearts, no successful client negotiations, no Christmas bonuses. Just me, just sleep, just naked.

And that was enough to make me happy.

So I’m running with it. Or, sitting at my desk with it.

And I have a special little bonus for you, my little love muffins. Someone shared this little Christmas narration with me yesterday, and I expected it to be obscene and talking about snow blowing and other inappropriateness. I was wrong.

This here little morsel of awesomeness is a little Christmas Story narrated by an older man and he talks about ice skating. And love. And loss. And communication. And memories. And music.  I think everyone takes something different from this, but what I took was the beauty and tragedy of love unspoken. It’s beautiful because whether you speak it or not, you still feel it, and if you’ve ever felt love for anyone, you know it’s unlike anything else. And still, the tragedy lies in that if you never say it, you never get to share that love, that beauty, with the other person. And love really is best when it’s a two person emotion, yeah?

That’s what I got, among many other things. Would love to hear what you get.

Warning: It’s 45 minutes. But you can easily just listen for a bit, and then tune in again later. Totally worth it.

You can listen right now, in fact. I’m done talking.

 

Comments

  1. I love that image at the top of the post.

    I’m really sorry to hear about your grandmother but I’m very glad you woke up happy this morning ♥

  2. Beautiful and raw post. Thank you for sharing it with us. Hoping one day of waking up happy turns into two days, then three, etc…

    Sending you hugs for getting through the first Christmas without your dad and cousin! Praying for your grandma!

    Blessings!

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