The Moment

I’m someone’s girlfriend now.

I can hardly believe it either. Of course, I’ve been tight lipped about it, although I do have permission to blog whatever the hell I want directly from the guy. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I kind of like having a little privacy.

However, I’m a blogger. I’ll always be a blogger. I thrive on networking and sharing and exchanges. You really can’t tame this beast. *GRR BABY. VERY GRR*

So. Yeah. I’m a girlfriend.

It’s not a normal relationship, really. It happened fast and strong. I was swept off of my feet and then dropped on the ground right in the middle of this. I’ve told this story to the Guy before, so I’m okay sharing it with you. Even if I didn’t share it with him, I think he doesn’t read my blog so, WIN. Or if he does, (Hi, you!)

You know how there are decisions you make that you have no idea HOW you made them? Like, one minute you’re all drinking a latte and the next minute you’re sailing on a boat in France with some guy named Jaques Cousteau and he’s feeding you Creme Brulee and you have no fucking clue how you got there? Yeah. This is nothing like that. I know exactly the moment when I decided to enter this relationship with my head and my heart. And since I’m here right now, I’m going to be all share-y with you.

Mmkay?

So. Let’s jump right in…just like I did.

I got a phone call on August 31st from the Guy asking me to rush to the hospital because he had been hurt badly. How badly, I wouldn’t know until I got there. When I arrived at the hospital, I lied my way to the back. The last time I was in a hospital ER, it was with my grandmother after she had a stroke. Visions of that were going through my head at record speed. I put those aside when the security guard came over to me and led me back to the room in the Trauma unit where the Guy was being held.

It was an incubator type room where I could see him through a window. I took one look and turned away. He hadn’t seen me yet, it was just me and my thoughts. I couldn’t even hear the tons of doctors and nurses flying by me. Everything was silent. Totally like one of those sitcom scenes where some Kenny G is playing while everyone moves all slow-speed.

At this point the Guy and I had been on two dates. TWO. I knew that I could easily walk away and tell him I couldn’t make it. I could go home, resume my normal life, and try not to get involved. He wouldn’t know the difference. He wouldn’t know that I had been there. No harm. No foul. Everyone moves on. I don’t get involved. He doesn’t know the difference. No drama. No nada.

The other option would be to walk through the doors, let him see that I was there, and be committed to being there for him for whatever he might need. This wouldn’t be a one time visit. I would be walking into his life without any near intention of leaving. I’d have to be the one. To be the rock. To grow some thicker skin. To stand strong even when things are going tough. To suck back tears of fear. To say ‘It will all be okay’ and mean it. To take on the responsibility of someone’s go-to-person in a big way.

I toyed with the idea for a minute or two with tears streaming down my face. There was no one for me to call who could give me the right answer. Only I had that. But what was the right answer? Fuck if I knew. I was gross and sticky from a long day at work. My hair was all gross. My face was teary. I was nauseous. I couldn’t breathe. There was no one for me to lean on. Just me.

Out of no where, some kind of peace came over me. My tears dried. I stood up tall. I turned around and walked in the direction I had to go in. I walked through the doors, looked straight ahead, and didn’t look back.

I walked in, found his hand, smiled and said “I’m here.” And I continue to be ‘here’ as much as I can.

It’s not always easy, and it’s not always fun, and sometimes, I feel myself back outside the hospital room wondering if I should stay the storm, or leave. The answer always comes as a wave of peace, and I know that right now, staying is the answer.

There are times when it’s really hard. We fight like any normal duo. We have struggles. We have hard days. We’re not always on the same page. There’s a lot of my life that he still doesn’t know, though I try to share as much as possible. I struggle with being a burden on him since he has so much going on.

But we laugh. God, do we laugh. And it just feels right sometimes, you know? Even during the hard times, I’d rather go through those with him, than have great times with someone I don’t like nearly as much.

Even on nights like tonight where our Indian Date night has to be cancelled because he’s sleeping. Or on days where we have an off day because stress is present in both of our lives. Or on the days I want to strangle him silly… even on those days, I have faith that everything we’re going through right now is worth it, and there will be a time for us to really enjoy the us. 

It’s hard to keep the faith sometimes, but it’s all I have some days. And it has to be enough. When I doubt or fear or think that things might be taking a weird turn, I just go back to that moment in the hospital. That was the moment that I knew I wanted to walk into his life, and not walk out without a good fight.

Comments

  1. Love it! So happy for you, lady.

  2. He’s an extremely lucky guy, Katie.

  3. phampants says:

    I’m so happy for you!

    • Thanks, Phammie. Let’s do the catching up thing soon. It’d be better if we were, you know, in the same city at the same time or somethin’.

  4. So, I’m pissed that you’re cheating on me but incredibly happy that YOU are happy. Does this mean that we can’t spoon in NYC anymore?!

    E-mail me all of the dirty, sexual details. Including size, girth and positions.

    kthxbai. <3

    • I’ll still accidentally spoon you. By “accident”.

      Oh, I’ll e-mail you alright. Don’t you worry. And don’t you say you never asked for it, ho.

  5. This makes me smile like a fool.

  6. It makes me smile too!

  7. Wow. You’re a keeper. And he must be one too for you entering that commitment. I wish you all the happiness in the world!

  8. Awww, you are awesome and I love your face.

Speak Your Mind

*