Since the last time I threw a juicy story your way a month ago in which you all were uber supportive, things have gotten interesting in my life. Shit has happened that I didn’t expect. I forgave people, took a step backward, and then made a giant leap of faith forward in an area of my
body life that often remains untouched.
And I’m not going to tell you about any of it.
There was a time when no matter what happened in my life, it would go on the internet. “Are you going to blog about this?” or “Don’t blog about this.” or “Can you blog about this?” became inevitable subtexts of every conversation I ever had. I’ve fought so hard and against so many people for my right to blog that I’ve forgotten what life without spotlight is like.
The truth is, Internet, I love you. A lot. While I love sharing things with you from stories about my dad to my emotional walls that I never break down because I spent 20 years building them, you guys are always there. I love each and every comment/email/tweet that I get from all of you. It makes my heart all smiley just thinking about how much I love your faces.
My entire life has been public for 10+ years as I’ve grown from small-time blogger, to full-time self-employed biz consultant. You’ve known about my family, my romantic interests, my favorite color, my battle with mental health, my online crushes, my offline crushes, my obsession with psychology, my good dates, my bad dates…. you’ve known it all. Katie is a wide open book. I’ve recently been seriously pondering the question of “Am I too open? Do I share too much?”
It may seem kind of funny coming from a girl who is averaging 1 blog post per month, maybe. But when I do share, I share completely. I mean, I did tell the internet I was suicidal before I told my therapist. I told the internet I was questioning my relationships before I told the people I was questioning. Some may call it being bold. Being open. Being brave. I don’t argue it. But I also wonder if there’s a bit of passive aggressive avoiding of some issues in my life because I belong to the internet. If I tell the internet what’s going on or how I’m feeling, then it’s out there. The honest truth is that if the idea or feeling isn’t in the right hands and being heard by the right ears, then it’s not going to do me any good.
Part of me wants to go through each and every new change I’ve made and hurdle I’ve jumped and shout it from the blog-tops to all of you. But then there’s a part of me that has become very comfortable from living behind the limelight of Twitter, Facebook, and Blogging. It’s a new area for me to be in. I’m not in the front row anymore. It’s more like I’m hanging out in the back, enjoying the music, the show, and being with those who I love and care for away from the center of the social media universe.
I’m not as concerned with how many people “Like My Status” or “Thumbs Up my Photo”, or “Retweet my Content.” I’m more interested in quiet places, new cafes, nights out with amazing friends, all-day-naps, heart-to-heart conversations, new music, new feelings, new relationships, and myself.
And Gin and Tonic.
This isn’t a breakup. I’m never closing down my blog. Ever. But I do need a little bit of space, if that’s okay. Space to explore and try new things. I’m still going to tell you things, my loves. It just may be a little bit more like sending the info via carrier pigeon that speed jet. It may take longer to get to you, but it’s no less filled with love and appreciation for never turning your backs on me.
But if you do want the lowdown on what’s happening in my life, we should hang out. Come visit me! Let’s Skype! Wanna shoot me an email? DO IT. I have no problem sharing my life with people who want to know. I’m just taking the time to really focus on savoring each experience completely and with my entire being before sharing it with all of you. When I retell my experiences, I want to use more CAPS LOCK TO EXPRESS IT. I want the experiences to be AMAZING instead of fun. The relationships to be LIFE CHANGING instead of pretty awesome. The new ideas to TAKE OFF instead of just be born.
Think of it as me gathering more delicious details, juicy secrets, and maybe some feelings and shit. AND MORE CAPS LOCK STORIES, HOPEFULLY.
Have a collage of my weekend! I spent it with some old and new friends, drinking (too much), laughing (too much), and sleeping (not enough).