So, there’s this thing.
I get overwhelmed when I don’t finish all the things that need to be done. I’m an instant gratification person, which is probably why I don’t watch TV show seasons until they’re over…so that I don’t have to wait a week to see the next episode. And probably why I don’t cook often and opt to go and get a sandwich at the deli next door. I want all the things right away. Like the great big-daddy Jay-Z said, “I got no patience, and I hate waitin”.
Katie Goes Crazy (also the title of my first book, I’ve decided) about open ended and never-ending things has been a very common occurrence in my life as far back as I can remember.
When I was in Kindergarten, my teacher gave me extra work and a special reading group because I could read advanced words like “Because” instead of words like “Cat” like the other kids. From a young age, I knew the difference between their, there and they’re, so apparently that equated to giving me extra homework and projects. Discrimination, yo.
Anywho, the feeling of having more work than everyone else began in Kindergarden and progressed through middle school. There was always another math problem to solve (long division can suck it!), or another book report to write (Cry, The Beloved Country can suck it!). No sooner did I finish it all, I’d go to class the next day and get more stuff to do.
As I grew older and started jobs, the same trend occurred. I’d prove myself capable of completing everything, so I’d be given more work until I was inundated with more stuff than I could handle, or that anyone could handle, I’d say. I mean, SURE I can take on a new project when I have 30 others to do. I’m a superhero! I can do it all!
About 2 months ago, I had the idea to get everything on my to-do list done, including a project that took me 48 hours of straight work to (almost) complete. Thanks to tons of coffee and Big Bob, the project was completed. But I suffered for three days afterward catching up on sleep. Having things left undone at the end of the day makes me feel like I’ve failed miserably.I don’t really enjoy my downtime as much as I should because I’m constantly thinking of what I could be doing, or that my inner critic thinks I should be doing.
Even Dance Moms hasn’t been enjoyable for me. What the heck?
Being the ‘idea girl’ that i am, I thought I could solve this whole ‘hating having a to-do list that never ends’ simply by just stopping the whole to-do-list all together. I gave my beloved Dexter the Erin Condren Planner a break for a week thinking maybe that I needed to loosen the routine and surrender my necessity for lists.
Nope. That just made me irritated AND lost. I had so much to do, but didn’t remember what it was so I just spent my entire day on Pinterest, or making up things to do that didn’t need to be done thereby ignoring the things that truly did need to be done. Before I knew it, it was 2 AM, I had been up for 19 hours, and I had accomplished much less than I know I could have.
Also? Putting things off only makes the to-do-list longer and less manageable.
This may seem incredibly obvious to most, but realizing that I’m never going to have an empty plate has changed the way I look at my to-do list, my days and my life. The list is not going to get done by the end of the day, but I will check things off each day. Maybe only one thing will get done, but I sure as hell am going to put an effort into that one thing so that I can truly feel as though I worked my hardest.
The inner dialogue of me reaching this realization was something like “OMG I cannot finish all of this stuff!” Usually, that’s the only thing I say. Apparently, my positive side and I were really in tune because she spoke up and said “I know, you’re never going to finish EVERYthing.”
And then the heavens opened and light shined all over my little face. Angels sang and Ralph Fiennes took me in his hunky arms and said, “Katie, marry me.”
Oh, wait, that’s my OTHER fantasy. Oops.
I can only do as much as I can do. And it’s up to me to draw that line of “I can’t do anymore” and to be accepting of what I did accomplish, instead of focusing on what didn’t get done.
I’m still going to have a To-Do list, I always will. But I’ve also begun keeping a “Got Done” list. Not only does this come in handy for Resume Writing, but just as a reminder that yes, yes Katie, you DID get things done. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I’ll be getting Oral Surgery on Thursday. The dentist is going to be all up in my mouth with drills and stitches. And while I’m in that chair, my to-do list is going to exist. It’ll probably be growing. And that’s okay.
So long as there is one more thing to do, that means I’m not dead.
And that’s good.
Look at me, the little solution finder. Katie for President!
I might not get to be president, but did you hear the awesome news? I won the ever so prestigious 20sb bootlegs award of “Blogger You’d Most Like To Get a Drink With.” I’ve been nominated for this award before, but this is my first time winning. Super honored. There are something like 19,000 members of 20sb, and of all of those incredible members, I was nominated and voted in. It’s so great. Thanks again to all of you lovely people. #winning.
