Dear Boss,

Happy Monday! It was a long weekend on my end. It’s somewhere around a million degrees in Philadelphia. I exaggerate sometimes. However, it is a bit hot and uncomfortable. I did my best to stay cool, stay focused, keep on moving. There were moments that I felt a little down, but when I did, I just reenacted my own version of your presentation that you gave. I didn’t have “Get On Your Feet” available, so I had to use “Down With the Sickness” by Disturbed. I have a pulled muscle in my neck from head banging. Don’t worry, I’ll be available to work should you decide to hire me. Also, thank you for the inspiration.

You know, I hope you have a personal assistant. I’m sure you have a lot of stuff to do, and it’s hard being a working CEO of Microsoft. Bill Gates has some big shoes to fill. I just Googled what his shoe size is, and rumor is that it is 12, so that’s sort of big. Or average. But still, that’s a lot to live up to, and tons of information to cram into your brain. I know it can all fit though. You’re seem really smart. Like, the work smart, not hard type.

I’m sure your personal assistant is awesome. Maybe it’s your wife. Maybe it isn’t. But, whomever it is, you have the wrong person. Mr. Ballmer, I should be your personal assistant. Hire Me! Or, maybe you have lots of personal assistants for many different things. I should be one of them.

There are several reasons for which you should hire me. I won’t share them all, but here are just a couple. (See what I did there, a little teaser. Awesome marketing tool, right?)

1. I’m dedicated and committed: I’ve only had 2 full time jobs in my entire life. Two. I don’t job hop. One of them was for a collection agency and the other was a BDC Manager for an automotive dealership. I aimed to excel at both and did so. I was on the top of the “Most Sales / Appointments” list several times. If I wasn’t, I asked myself “What can you do better next month?” – I’d take that same attitude as your personal assistant, Mr. Ballmer. I’ll do whatever it takes to make your job easier. And, if I book a flight that’s too expensive, or a hotel that didn’t work out for you, I’ll make a mental note to do it better next time.

2. I want to learn: Mr Ballmer, I just want you to know that I’m going to e-mail you every morning with the words “Teach Me”. To that, I want you to reply with something educational. I need to learn something from you everyday.

You also get a bonus: I’ll reply to your lesson of the day with a lesson of the day for you. So then, we’re both learning. It’s important to learn, Steve. Like, really important.

3. I know how to help Microsoft make Apple into Applesauce.: Honestly, and I am truly being honest here, I don’t even like Apple. I have an iPod, but I’m just a conformist in that aspect. My computer has always and will always run on Windows. I also have a Wii, but if my roommates wanted to chip in, I’d get an XBOX.

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