This post is a part of 20SB’s Looking Back Blog Carnival, and Ben & Jerry’s is awarding free ice cream to lucky bloggers and readers! The idea is to re-post a blog entry from your first 2 months of blogging to take a look into how you were thinking and where you were back then.
This post was first featured on my old blog (the Kathleen one) in May 2008. I was in month 2 of a breakup. I was showing feelings! Whoa! Big thing for me.
You can also participate in this fun little blog carnival for June. Go to TwentyTwenty, the 20sb Official Blog for details!
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I’ve survived almost 2 months. That’s about 60 days.
I’ve missed out on 3000 Text Messages, 200 Phone Calls, 16 “Hangouts”, 8 ‘date nights’, and a Holiday. I missed your award ceremony for Dean’s List for another Semester and a few weekends with your nephew.
I’ll be missing shore getaway trips, movie nights, cuddling, and those fake arguments we have. I stopped buying Men’s Shampoo, Deodorant, and Diet Green Tea. I sleep in the middle of the bed. I pour one cup of coffee in the morning, and buy one donut from the store. The “Cosmo for your Guy” section of my Cosmopolitan Magazine remains intact, with no sharpie circles around this month’s topic. I stopped looking at every car that looks like yours, and the sharp pain is gone from my stomach when I hear someone mention your name.
I’ve survived almost 2 months. That’s about 60 days.
I’ve avoided 50 arguments, 20 sleepless nights, 1600 remarks doubting my dedication, a million dirty looks from ‘those’ who didn’t like me, and 12 awkward dinners around people who you told negative things about me to.
I colored my hair without asking anyone. I wear “Very Sexy” by Victoria Secret, because I like it. I bought those black glasses you hated on me. I sleep in mismatched pajamas. I wear my Orange Old Navy Fleece to bed every night. I don’t watch Hockey. I watch Nascar. I go out with my friends, I drink Coors Light, and sometimes get a little toasty. I can go a month and a half without waxing my eyebrows, and no one cares. I listen to whatever I want on the radio. I play it loud. Sometimes, I don’t want to have sex, and if that’s the case, I don’t feel guilty. My cousin had her baby yesterday, and I was happy for her, and dream of the day I have a baby. I don’t fear the day that I have to convince you that we should have children. I dress like a girl sometimes because I WANT to, not because I feel that I’m not woman enough for you. I have the mouth of a trucker, and I use it actively. I have a great relationship with my clients at work, and don’t have to worry if you’ll approve. I have cable again. I don’t have to budget 200$ a week because I know you’ll LET me pay for things I offer to. I have all of the same friends I used to, and I don’t have to convince them to stay my friend. They know how loyal I am.
A week after you broke up with me, I got some great news about my career and the direction it could go. I picked up the phone to call you, and then cried when I realized that it isn’t what I’m supposed to do anymore.
Today I got some great news about my career and the direction it could go. I picked up the phone and called my mom, and my best friend. About an hour later, I thought about you, and realized that I didn’t call you, or think to. I’m not as sad anymore.
I’ve spent so much time holding on to something that left me. Now I realize that all I’ve ever needed has been here all along.
I’ve survived almost 2 months. That’s about 60 days.
I’m single now.
I’m stronger than I was 2 months ago
I’m happier than I was 2 months ago.
I’m more myself that I was 2 months ago.I
‘m single.
I’m strong.
I’m happy.
I’m ME
….and it’s good enough.
