I’m Never Going To Be Ready

 

In the morning my alarm goes off at 6:11AM. I don’t have to be in work until around 10 or 11AM. So there are 5 hours. 5 glorious hours that many would kill for and that I could use to work, get active, make a breakfast that isn’t just a banana and 4 cups of coffee…  I could do all of these things instead of rolling over and saying “Meh, I’ll get up when I’m ready.”

Here’s something I learned and have accepted recently:

I’m never going to be ready to get up in the morning…

or to get into the shower.

or to take a jump into something unknown.

or to let go of someone or something.

or to  do my laundry.

or to  make that phone call.

or to  say what I’m feeling.

or to say no.

or to say yes.

I’m never ready for anything. Except, of course to make the excuse “I’ll do it when I’m ready.” For that, I’m always ready.

In my mind I’m always preparing for something bigger. Whether it’s putting that big idea out into the world. Or to book that plane ticket. Or to tell someone how I feel. Or to leave a client. Or to ask for more money. The desire to do big things is always cooking, but it’s never ready (or so I tell myself)  When asked, I’m always ‘working on it’. But I’ve found that I’m working toward a goal that I’m never going to get because it’s that last jump, that last action, that last corner to turn that I never take…

So, I’ve got a very hungry ‘wants-so-much-more’ soul inside of me. And if you know me, you know how hangry I get.

No wonder I’m so pissed that I feel like I’m doing all of the work, but nothing seems to be changing. I’m putting in all of the emotional preparations, taking the required steps, doing what’s needed,  but not doing any of the actual ballsy action work.

Everything is just kinda chilling on the launch pad, waiting to be ready. And of course everything I do or am working on reaches a point where all of the preparation work has been done and the next logical step is to take action… … and I stay in some kind of holding pattern.

For me, the preparation of everything is always the easy part. There’s a certain safety net in “I’m getting ready to…” or “I’m working on…” or “It’s my intent to…”  To everyone else, it sounds like I’m actively doing something, and hell, I may be. But usually in my case, I’m prolonging the hard part of whatever it is I’m working on. You know, I’m ‘waiting until I’m ready.”

BECAUSE ACTION IS SCARY, YOU GUYS.

So much can go wrong.

But I forget that so much can go right, and I’ll never know which way it’ll go until I do something.

So, self: do more stuff, okay?

I wish it were that damn easy.

How in the hell to I break this deep-set-almost 30-year old habit? I’m seriously pouting right now, because the answer is so clear, but I’m admittedly someone who really wishes shit would just happen and I didn’t have to make it happen. Like, can’t lasagna cook itself? Cant groceries buy themselves? Can’t tests grade themselves?

No?

GOD WHAT IS LIFE?

The more I think about it, the more I’ve been surrounding myself with people who don’t challenge me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m responsible for my own actions, but it’s always helpful to hang with people who inspire you and push you to the next level. Sometimes I need that accountability; someone to keep me and my goals in check. So many of my kick-ass friends are making shit happen. Why am I not doing co-working sessions with them?

I just got three emails from three different people asking me to edit their papers / articles / idea maps. So, it’s not like I don’t have places to bounce ideas off of. I’m just… waiting until I’m ready. Again.

I’m very introvert-y, and I like to talk to myself. So, I’ve found that sometimes I have to have an actual conversation between me and my inner-don’t-wanna-do-it-chick in order to get things done. It goes something like,

Katie, I know you don’t want to get up right now. Yes, you could sleep for another few hours. But you kind of need to be an adult, get up, do some housework, and take a walk. Do SOMEthing. Staying here just isn’t an option today.”

Or more simply: “Katie, you don’t have to like it, but you’re going to get up and do it.”

This shorter approach is something I use very often. Especially since if I don’t do whatever it is in the moment I’m thinking about it, there’s a good chance it will get put off until another day. (See also: until forever and never gets done) (See also: Until I’m ready.)

The truth is, if I wait until I’m ready, I’m never going to accomplish anything.

And I want to do stuff. And love people. And go places. And make money. And get out of bed at 6AM and go on a 2 mile run. I’m always going to want to sleep. Let’s be real.

So, Katie, I know you don’t like it, but stop writing this blog post now, and fold your laundry. And send that email. And make that phone call.

kbye.